I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
