i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
why didn't you poke me back
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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