he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
