You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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