I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
