haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
