Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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