I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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