My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
