dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
