On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
