note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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