ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
