then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
