the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
