Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
