If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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