I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
