beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
