Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
