I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
be right there i have to get my cape
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
