Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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