Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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