My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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