I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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