I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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