this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Randomize
