I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
