So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
