In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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