I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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