my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm like, not good at living.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
