i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just found a bag of teeth...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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