Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
