I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
