I just cut my nipple shaving
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
