I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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