I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
