normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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