There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
