I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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