So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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