I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
