i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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