No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I touched a dick in church today
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
