He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
