Do vagina's smell?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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