Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
