The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
