It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
