No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
