insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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