So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
