it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
