they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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