and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
