just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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