The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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