You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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